Daisy's Domineering Doula

Did you see Bones last night? I did and it featured what they portray to be a doula but this doula, named Valentina(Mindy Cohn) is everything a doula IS NOT, or should not be. Daisy(Carlo Gallo) is going through childbirth on her own and has decided she needs added support and hires a doula. "Great!" is what I originally thought, I was very wrong. Yes there are the occasional very crunchy doulas but she does things that go beyond just sharing some crunchy information. Valentina is judgmental and controlling.




In this clip she judges the way Angela(Michaela Conlin) gave birth and says "Everyone has to make their own choices, is what I believe, but you seem like a nice person, your child should be fine." after Angela tells her she had and epidural and was screaming. That is so very not right! We don't judge! Angela thought her birthing process was beautiful and in the end that's all that matters, is what the mother thinks of her birth not anyone else.

Then the way he steered Daisy into the office for her appointment and ignoring her obvious want for Angela to be with her is just insane. The mother makes those choices!


Later in the Episode when Daisy's water breaks in the lab she says asks "Will someone remind them that Valentina wants a darkened room and bird sounds?" It doesn't matter what Valentina wants! Again it is about what the mother wants! A doula sure can suggest that dim lighting and nature sounds might be soothing for you but ultimately it is for the mother to decide what will soothe her during her labor.

Photo from: https://plus.google.com/u/0/+BONES/posts

In the end Daisy stands up for herself and tells Valentina that she doesn't want all these things and fires her. Honestly, she should have interviewed more doulas! Valentina just wasn't her doula, or in my opinion very professional at all. Thankfully Daisy was surrounded by those that loved and supported her most for her beautiful journey into motherhood. So if you watched this episode please know this is not what a doula is! A doula is a loving, support person, a person who educates and empowers, listens and respects you the goddess giving birth. A doula supports your decisions and how you want to give birth and who you want with you when you give birth.

Mother Roaster Service Menu

       Crossing the threshold from maiden to mother is a massive undertaking that not only needs to be recognized and ceremonially honored, but deeply necessitates a healing touch that can welcome the new mama with open arms. As a postpartum receiver, you are charged with holding space for women on the other side of birth, you are reminded of being reverent with your service to her, and you are blessed to be her witness as she starts feeding her baby milk, heals her body, and begins to seal the rawness of her birth experience. You are there to wrap her in a blanket of your loving care, warm her insides, massage her, create herbal tinctures for her, feed her warm soups, and gift her with ceremony.
Mother Roasters are CAREGIVERS that nurture new mothers after BIRTH while supporting their RECOVERY + JOURNEY into motherhood; as EVERY women deserves to be welcomed into MOTHERHOOD through GENTLE + LOVING + CARE.  

Mother Roaster Service Menu

Basic Belly Binding - $75

Includes:

 Unbleached muslin wrap

 Belly firming paste

 One in-home demonstration and directions card

Wrapping the belly is an effective and important part of a mama’s recovery that aids the body to shrink and recover in a shorter time period, normally six to eight weeks. A sacred belly wrap provides a mama’s postpartum body with 360 support to assist the abdominal wall muscle retraction, improve posture, stabilize loosened ligaments, and provide support to the torso while vital organs return to their pre-pregnancy size and position.  

Closing Ceremony - $175

Includes:

 Sacred Ceremonial tuck-in

 Heated oil rub down- Approx. 30 min

 Belly binding & wrap

Birth is an incredible, amazing, intense journey. As women, our bodies go through a lot of hard work to bring a child into the world. All of this work, through the triumphs, sorrows and joys, the sweat & tears, we are left open. We must allow ourselves to be open when we birth a child. That openness can then leave us feeling empty after birth. Our bodies have been a vessel that carried and nurtured a small one (or even several small ones) for months. It is no wonder that our bodies would experience a vast emptiness once we have completed the birthing process. So, what then? How do we close ourselves after we have opened for something as incredible as birth? Well, why not have a beautiful closing ceremony.

Hot Stone Abdominal Press - $65

Includes:

 Heated oil rub down- approx. 30min

 Hot stone abdominal press- approx. 30-45min

This practice relieves tense muscles, begins to breakdown stubborn pregnancy body fat and improves overall circulation.

Goddess Package- $250

Includes:

 Your choice of the Milk & Honey or Malay Bath*

 Sacred Mother Blessing

 Custom made flower crown

 Custom made birth journal

 Oil rub down
 Ceremonial tuck-in

 Belly Binding & wrap

 Your choice of 1 tea and 1 soup off the add-on menu

    

 * plus $25 if you chose the Malay Bath.

  Honoring is a Sacred Way to acknowledge a Rite of Passage in a person's life. There is no more sacred of an act than that of becoming a mother and birthing a child into the world. When a woman births a baby she also births herself anew. She is no longer maiden, as she steps into the tribe of mothers that is held together by our common bond. The Beauty
Way is how we roll in the Sacred World, its how we like to leave each sister and each place we visit...more beautiful and with a little more sparkle than was there before we came on the scene. Its also living with care and reverence for the earth and each other. The Beauty Way is an aspiration, a journey if you will, and gives us something to strive for.

Questions to Ask Before Hiring a Doula

Hiring a doula has a lot to do with if you "click" but it also has to do with if the doula offers the things you are looking for. It is good to know a lot about your doula and her experience and specialties. It is also highly recommended to interview more then one doula. You need to be 100% comfortable with your choice because this person is going to be right by your side as your family goes through this sacred transition into motherhood. A good doula will not be offended if you would like to interview more doulas or if the feel is not right. She might even be able to point you to a better fit because she understands how important the chemistry is. So don't be afraid to ask. Below are a list of questions that are a good idea to ask at your doula interview. Feel free to add any questions about things that are important to you.

• How Many births have you attended?
• Are you familiar with the Doctor/Midwife/Hospital/Birth Center I will be using? 
• When should I call you? When would you come join me in labor?
• What labor coping techniques do you use or find most helpful?
• How will you involve my partner?
• Why did you decided to become a doula?
• What are your fees and what do they cover? How many visits will we have before and after baby?
• What kind of training have you had?
• Can you explain your contract and your refund policy?
• How many clients do you take on a month?
• Do you have a back up doula? Will I be meeting them?
• Do you have any references?
• What are your beliefs on the birthing process?

Ask the Doula

During consultations and along the pregnancy journey I get asked some really great questions. I wanted to share some of these questions and my personal answers so you get to know more about myself and my practice.

If I were to miscarry, would you still attend the birth if there is one?
A miscarriage is a hard thing to go through and giving birth to your baby in that situation can be heartbreaking and I am honored to still serve you. A beautiful baby is still being born and I feel I am still your labor support. After the birth I will help you find resources, per your request, to help you deal with the loss of your child and, if you wish, arrange a Mother Blessing for your friends and family to come help you heal.

If I choose cord blood banking can I still do delayed cord clamping?
Given some of my research through contacting cord blood banking companies (Viacord and Cord Blood Registry) they prefer to obtain cord blood 60 seconds after the birth. For delayed cord clamping it is suggested to wait at least two minutes. This two minute delay will increase the child's iron reserve by 27-47mg which is helpful in preventing iron deficiencies in baby's first 6 months. Now, the ideal suggestion for delayed cord clamping is to wait until the cord stops pulsating and in my experience can take up to ten minutes. Given that evidence and how much cord blood banking costs I personally would say no. My preference is to delayed cord clamping but I am your Doula and I will get you more information, if you desire, so you can make an informed decision.

What is your opinion on epidurals? I think I am open to the idea if I feel I need it but I am unsure and want to strive for my birth to be as natural as possible.
As we go over your birth plan if you are open to pain relief during labor, that is your choice. I am not here to push my personal choices and preferences on you, I will provide you with my side of the argument as well as the opposing argument so that you may make an informed decision that you are going to be happy with. Sometimes it is necessary for you to allow yourself that relief if you need it and there can be many different reasons why you choose to accept an epidural (i.e. long labor, pitocin induced contractions etc). As your Doula I am not there to tell your doctor "She said in her birth plan she doesn't want that." I can however gently remind you of your birth plan and  to take a minute to think about your choices and what you would like to do moving forward.

My partner is really interested in a Doula to help him know what is going on and what he can do to help during the birth, is that something you do?
Yes! During your prenatal visits we'll go over  pain coping techniques with partner assistance so you both have valuable tools for labor. If you or your partner ever have questions prenatally and during labor and delivery you are more than welcome to ask and if I don't know the answer I likely know someone who does and will get that answer for you. If your partner is open to it or asks "What can I do to help?" there is always something to do and I'm happy to give you what I'm doing if you like or give you something helpful to do :-) I am also there for the little "Hey can you help me by... moments."

What if I don't like something you're doing or think I might want you to try something else?
Our relationship is all about open communication. I am going to use my skills to try and help you any way I know how. If it's not helping, tell me so! I promise not to be hurt or offended. If you have an idea of what you think might help I'm happy to help get you to that space/position. If all you can do is describe what or where the pain is we'll work together through many positions to find out what works best for you.

Have Questions? Use the Contact Me form to the right to ask and/or set up a consultation for us to meet and discuss what I can do for you!

Dear Kelli Ward, I Am A Well Educated Birthing Woman and I Will Be Heard

As a well educated birthing woman, I know I would choose a MIDWIFE to attend my breech birth over any OB. Even families I know who would not have a home birth and would always choose birthing in a hospital have said it is not for the government to take away a woman's right to choose where and with whom she feels safest to birth.

In my personal experience, Midwives know and will say when they believe a transfer of care is necessary but will also truly care about the woman's position an innate wisdom of what is going on in her birth and where she'd rather be. An OB just pressures a woman and scares her into doing what the OB wants by providing false evidence that appears to be real and relevant (which is what I say you are doing by providing your one-sided statistics). I am SO sick and tired of hearing Midwives say that their hands are tied by the law and that they have to transfer care, not because they are incapable of providing the quality care that's needed but because the government says so. I met with many OBs that plainly said that they did not know how to deliver a breech baby other than by cesarean but every Midwife I asked had dedicated the time to educating themselves on vaginal breech birth. It is my body, it is my baby and it is my right to choose.

Kelli Ward is sponsoring the bill SB1157 "to prevent vaginal births after c-section (VBAC) and breech births from being considered low risk in AZ.", which would mean a woman could not birth at home with a Midwife, and is looking for your input! Let her know we are here and will be heard. It is our body, our birth and our right to decide where and with whom we entrust our birth. Provide facts if you can!

Post by Kelli Ward for Arizona *

*In the time it has taken me to talk to people, cite my sources, voice my opinion and write this blog (approximately 2 hours) the post on the Kelli Ward for Arizona Facebook page has been deleted. Apparently she only wants your input if you are on her side. So here are some screenshots:

In this post Kelli Ward states; "The reporting on home births has been spotty and poor despite rules and regulations requiring reporting - right now, AZ statistics report a little over 400 "low risk" home births with 15 infant deaths. Until we improve the data coming in and see if there are better stats, it is prudent to limit scope of practice of lay midwives to truly low risk home births."



Included in these 15 deaths were a few deaths that where due to life limiting chromosomal abnormalities diagnosed before birth. From the Birth Without Fear Blog "Breech Birth Statistics" post "The perinatal mortality rate does increase with breech presentation, but that is REGARDLESS OF THE TYPE OF BIRTH! The increased death rate is due to malformations already present, prematurity and intrauterine fetal demise!" Also there is debate on the issue being incoming data but rather it is the Health Department not properly dealing with, sorting and reporting the statistics.




On Kelli Ward's Issues page located HERE, I quote "Dr. Kelli Ward believes in personal responsibility, limited government intervention in the day-to-day lives of our citizens...". It also states she is Pro-Life, Pro-Family and Pro-FREEDOM.
Do I sense a bit of Hypocrisy? Is this not a Pro-Family and Pro-Freedom issue?

Kelli Ward claims she is a case of successful case of a hospital VBAC. Congratulations, Kelli! I love to hear stories like that. It gives me hope for more women to have successful hospital VBACs. A woman also asked on her post how would Kelli feel if her right to choose where she felt safest to VBAC was taken away. Well, Kelli?

Kelli Ward, are you not a representative of the people? Why would you silence and remove a debate, from your people, against your bill? Did we strike a nerve? Are you just a lying, hypocritical politician like the rest of them?

For those of you who can not click the links I created:

Kelli Ward for Arizona Facebook Page
http://www.facebook.com/KelliWardforArizona

Birth Without Fear "Breech Birth Statistics" Blog Post
http://birthwithoutfearblog.com/2011/09/06/breech-birth-statistics/

Kelli Wards Issues Page
http://kelliward.net/page.php?t=issues

For those that would like to be kept informed and join our discussions:
Arizona's Rights for Homebirth Facebook Group
http://www.facebook.com/groups/256480614406716/