I'm honored to be your Doula, but..

Isn't it everyone's goal in life to be happy in their career as well as be successful and earn a living off of the job that makes us happy?

This week is World Doula Week, it runs from the 22nd to the 28th of March every year. The purpose of World Doula Week is to empower all doulas all over the world to improve the health of birthing and postpartum women and newborns through support! As well as to me it's a bringing together of doulas to empower each other in their businesses. In honor of that I'm writing about the value of the doula.

When I attend a birth it is always an honor for me to be there, for a family to choose me to be part of this intimate moment. I always say thank you for letting me be there and tell them how great it is to have been a part of that moment with them. There have been times where I have provided my information to someone searching for a doula and told them I'd be honored to serve them. Later down the road I've had families ask, and heard from other doulas that they've been asked the same thing in some way, "If it's such an honor and a privilege I am giving you, why am I paying you?"

As a doula I am an extensively trained professional with a set of valuable skills that are helpful to you. Take any profession where one person has a set of skills you don't have yourself, you're going to pay that professional to do or use those skills for you whether they hate their job or love it. Just because I am passionate about what I do, doesn't mean I don't deserve to get paid.

The doula profession sometimes gets undervalued because people don't see the behind the scenes work.  When I am contacted by a client I then have to, if I haven't already, make up a folder for our consultation with all my information, contracts and helpful tidbits and referrals. I get a babysitter and plan a consultation and drive out to meet them. They hire me, insert little internal yay moment, I go home and make a schedule based on mom's needs and desires and what we discussed. I have to plan babysitters, contact my back up doula, inform my family and all that jazz. Informing my family is the hard part, especially when we discuss my on call period. I go officially on call for a mom 2 weeks before her due date and stay on call until she delivers. This includes holidays and birthdays, oh the pouts I get when I miss those times or they hear I'm on call over their birthday or certain holidays. In reality as soon as I have a client I make sure my birth bug out bag is packed and I am prepared to be called, which basically means 24/7 365. When I am officially on call every time we go out to dinner, the movies, the grocery store even, I have a plan of OK I have a mom due soon if he were to call and say she needs me what is the most efficient way for me to get to her in a timely manner. This, at times, means two vehicles, if I go to a play date relying on my great friend to watch my little one until daddy can come get her(no lie, it's happened!) I also take time out to go have a birth plan discussion and get to know the families needs, prepare them for their birth with however many prenatal appointments they've decided they want. Constantly updating myself on new techniques, I devote time and money every year into taking new training and continuing my education to be a better doula, taking the time to get to know the local care providers, hospital policies, state laws etc. Child care during all of this, gas, mileage and maintenance because of how brutal my profession is on my poor car. It's hard work!

Doulas have a high burnout rate, especially in areas where they're undervalued and they think as a new doula the only way I'm going to get work is to work for free, and that just isn't fair when they've paid for their training and have so many other expenses along the way even before they get their first client.

Their is a mutual honor and respect. We, as in the doula and the family, need to be honored to be together. It's a privilege for the doula to choose the family just as much as the family to choose the doula. I am proud to be a doula and I an proud of the families I've served.

How did I get so lucky to be the successful doula I am today and be doing what I love? I'm not lucky, I worked hard. I am a professional doula.

Is this labor that I'm feeling?

Yep I totally did that! Now while you're reading this blog post you can also get Whitesnake stuck in your head!



So now down to business! The biggest question I get is "How do I know when I am in labor?" The answer "Oh you'll know!" doesn't always work very well so I'm going to try and give a little more depth into a summary of labor and what sensations happen during labor.

Pre-Labor aka Braxton Hicks(BH) Contractions

BH Contractions are usually irregular when they come and you'll generally notice them and be a little uncomfortable and feel a tightening in your stomach. These contractions will be random in how long they last and in how much time passes between each one. BH contractions are preparing your body, uterus, and baby for active labor. While good for a warm up, these contractions don't make changes to your cervix and can sometimes be brought on by thirst, hunger or stress. So when you feel contractions come on, grab a drink and a snack and try to relax and if all else fails, take a nap!

Right now you may feel excited to feel these contractions and then possibly discouraged when they go away but don't worry the real deal will come soon, your body is still prepping you. Take this time to be in the moment enjoying your pregnancy and the amazing things your body does!

Early Labor (First Stage)

Remember when we told you to eat, drink, and rest? Well if you are having early labor contractions they won't subside with any of these. These will also come more regularly, anywhere from 5-10 minutes but consecutively the same amount of time and about 30-45 seconds in duration. You'll feel a lot more cramp like sensations in your stomach and during the contractions your stomach will be hard to the touch.

When timing contractions you want to start your count from the beginning of the contraction to the beginning of the next contraction for the frequency, from the beginning of the contraction to the end of the contraction for duration. While you may feel the urge to constantly time the contractions it isn't entirely necessary. You'll want to time some contractions when the first start to come regularly or if there is a dramatic change in the frequency of contractions or if you're due to call and check in with your care provider in the next 30 minutes or so.

Again during this stage you're still going to want to be listening to your body and eating, drinking and resting when you can. Check in with your care provider, give your doula a heads up even if you're not ready for her to come help you.

Right now you may still feel happy and excited about being so close to meeting your baby. You'll be getting the "This is it!" thoughts and feeling confident and prepared. Be patient with this part of labor those first 6 centimeters of dilation take time!



Active Labor (First Stage)

Now your contractions are picking up. These will also be consistent and in the 3-5 minutes apart range and lasting about 45-60 seconds, they're definitely stronger. You're contractions at this point should be strong enough that you're unable to do anything during them because you're body is working that hard to produce the necessary changes for the delivery of your baby. You're probably not hungry at this point but remember to stay hydrated!

During this time you really are going to want to work on establishing a routine for coping with these contractions. It's a good time to make sure you've made contact with your provider and if you didn't have your doula already now is definitely a good time to welcome her to your birth space so she can help you get a good routine going and encourage your partner to support you.

Emotionally, this can be a rough time. Sudden noises and bright lights can be disruptive to you as your senses are heightening. Try to stay relaxed as possible and change positions frequently until you find what works best for you.



Transition

This is the moment where everything comes to a peak, the most intense part of labor. Contractions will be one on top of the other and there is a definite increase in the amount of pressure that you're feeling and may even feel like your going to have a bowel movement and you may actually do that and that's OK. Generally this is where you'll feel hottest and may be shaking and nauseous.

You'll feel overwhelmed, a sense of "I can't do this" but in reality you ARE doing it and you are strong. If you really feel stressed, remember to breathe, be in the moment and be willing to feel and work through your contractions. If you feel you can't do it then don't, just let the contractions happen. Pushing is right around the corner!



Second Stage Labor

I sometimes see two parts to second stage and sometimes they roll into one. Here is where the calm before delivery happens. Your contractions will space out a little and you may find yourself sleeping in between them. you'll definitely still feel the pressure and tightening during the contractions and maybe feel the urge to push right away and maybe not.

Sometimes you get this break before the actual urge to push comes and sometimes as soon as you come out of transition you'll feel the urge to push. This is the time where I like to remind women you don't have to push just because you're fully dilated. Wait for the sensations to come and tell your care provider when you're ready to push.

Some women feel relief that the urge to push has come and some are afraid that it's getting to be time to push. Again, I say be willing to feel it, be in that moment. You're doing great and an amazing little baby will be in your arms soon!

Third Stage Labor

Congratulations! You just birthed an incredible little life into this world! While this is an amazing time, you're not quite done yet. Your placenta is delivered next but this generally does not require as much effort. You will still be having contractions but not nearly as intense and you may have an urge to push to birth your placenta but not all women do. Nursing your newborn will help stimulate these contractions to bring out your placenta and then you're done! You will still have some cramps when breastfeeding for a few days as your uterus returns to it's normal state but you made it through labor and delivery. Your job now is to enjoy your new little family.

Each pregnancy and labor is unique. I've seen slow and steady transitions through the stages, stop and go transitions and some women race through each stage so fast I couldn't believe my eyes and maybe missed when each stage happened but every one is beautiful.